Tell your little one honestly that their body simply ran into a glitch, and nobody did anything wrong to cause it. Keep your explanation short, reassure them of your love, and let them express whatever big emotion comes up next without trying to fix it instantly.
Taking the Blame off Small Shoulders
When my daughter went through her diagnosis, questions like that would stop my heart in an instant. Young ones naturally assume illness is somehow connected to behavior, such as eating dirt or refusing to put on a coat. You can ground them by letting them know that cells get muddled up sometimes on their own. Reinforce clearly that nothing they thought, said, or did made their body sick.
Keeping explanations simple and concrete
At 3 am when you are tired and running on cold coffee, trying to explain oncology seems impossible. Avoid giving long clinical lectures that leave both of you confused. I remember someone once told me that Leukemia was like weeds in a garden and sometimes you have to spray a large area with week killer in order to kill off the bad cells and renew good cells only. Let them direct the conversation by asking what else they want to know, rather than overloading their little nervous system.
Allowing the tears without rushing to fix them
Watching your baby grieve normal childhood activities breaks my heart even looking back on it now. It is tempting to make promises, such as a trip to the toy shop when they get better, or the movies etc. but sometimes the most supportive move is sitting beside them, rubbing their back and admitting that it truly is unfair. You do not need magical answers to provide comfort, just your presence. If you have any essential oils, such as Lavender, you could use this to help calm them down.
Other questions that may be asked
Should I tell my child that everything happens for a reason?
I would avoid using that phrase because young children interpret it as deliberate punishment from the universe. Focus instead on reminding them that their doctors and family are working together to help their body recover.
What if my child asks if they are going to die?
I chose to answer this honestly and calmly and explained that yes, sometimes kids can die, but there is also the fact that lesser illnesses, such as a flu, can also cause someone to die. It’s not something that we can foretell the future with, but it helps to understand that people die from all kinds of things. Reassure them that everyone is fighting hard to keep them safe and well. Acknowledge that being sick is scary, and hold give them as many hugs or cuddles as they need.
How do I handle my own tears when they ask hard questions?
It is perfectly fine to let them see that you find the situation sad too. Take a slow breath, grab a copy of my 5 Minute Calm booklet, and show them how to reset together.
Warm Wishes and the Best of Luck
Angela
